just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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