dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
