YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
