We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
