You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
