Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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