she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
