but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
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