No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
