no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
