She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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