You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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