Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
