i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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