I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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