I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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