It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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