Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point