Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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