All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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