quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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