I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
