That's intense
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
