is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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