U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
