i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
