Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize