So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
