My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize