Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize