mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
