dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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