apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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