someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
do nipples grow back?
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