Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
