The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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