Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
