He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
