I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
