so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
