Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
