he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
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can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
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I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize