that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
my sisters under your porch take her home
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
