:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
