i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
