After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
