you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
