I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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