Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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