We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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