can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
