A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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