she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
