this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Success! We fucked roommates!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
