Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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