i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
