He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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