so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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