im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
