Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
