My Higher Power is John Stamos
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
