he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
