I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
