Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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