Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
