god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Randomize
