i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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