sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
