My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
3 2 1 whiskey
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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